Family Holidays

Chapped lips
painted
with a beige purple matte,
my fav black pants,
comfy slip ons
that didn’t at all match my outfit,
and a denim jacket
covered in my latest obsession
of badges and enamel pins.
Seven hours in the car,
you could say
I was at my flashest.
But there you were,
just across the street from me.
We lock eyes,
drunken love.
A compliment never been
so fulfilling and uplifting,
as you scream across the street,
as my anxiety sets in
I realise you’re still looking,
but its a glare with
intention.
“I’m gonna f*ck you in the fanny”
Instinctually
I step in front
of my mother and sister
protect my mom
protect my sister
My mother
innocently
quietly
demands
“just ignore him”
it’s too late.
He mumbled
and stumbled
and yelled
but thankfully
distracted
by the idea
of fighting
some men
who obliviously arrived
like heroes.
And off he stumbled.
Refreshed and ready
for a lovely dinner
with my whanau
on the last night of our trip,
and out of no where;
there you are.
I felt your breath
on my neck,
I felt my skin crawl,
instantly sick to my bones,
but its my fault right?
I forgot
to mention
my bright multicolored hair.
must’ve caught his eye huh?
Cos I can still feel his
breath on my neck,
and the pure fear
that ran to my stomach
like a child lost
in the grocery store,
but my moms right in front of me
and you’re right behind me,
closer,
breathing
down my neck,
til I couldn’t stand to breathe.
Sick to my stomach with fear,
but it was just
drunken affection
and I asked for it right?

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